There is a gorgeous poem by a Scottish poet named Robert Burns. He compares his lady love to a “red rose” and their relationship to “a melody that’s sweetly played in tune.” It describes a man and a woman who are deeply in love with each other. The poem evokes that wonderful feeling of wanting to be together forever — the very epitome of what marriage should represent.
Most Chinese people believe in yuánfèn, and it means that relationships are determined in advance by divine will. This includes affinities existing among friends or lovers. It’s that wonderful feeling of: “We were meant to be together.”
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Yuánfèn is actually two words in Chinese, 缘分. It describes the marriage system in ancient China. Yuán 缘 means boy meets girl. Fèn 分 means what status the young man could give to the young lady.
Chinese legend has it that the gods would tie an invisible red lace around the ankle of the son of one family and the daughter of another family who are to be married someday. As time passes, they become attracted to each other by this tie without even being aware of it.
In Western culture, when a couple decides to marry, they promise to stay together and are blessed by the pastor. In Chinese custom, the marriage is performed in an intimate ceremony, and then the couple pays their respects to heaven and earth.
Staying power in your marriage
Most couples want to spend the rest of their lives together and hope to live long and happy lives. Some couples meet for a while and then go their separate ways. This could mean they were fated but not destined for each other. But most couples do want to stay together. As the years roll by, marriage goes through many experiences, both good and bad.
But no matter how hard the tribulations are, you must never become tired of your partner and cultivate endurance. People have different character traits that sometimes lead to arguments. This is normal. How could it be smooth sailing all the time? To give a marriage staying power and achieve domestic happiness, here are some points to keep in mind.
- Accept and love your spouse unconditionally and remind yourself of what attracted you to each other in the beginning. Work to keep these feelings alive, and always make your partner feel special. Commit yourself 100 percent.
- Don’t be afraid to be yourself in front of your beloved.
- Be best friends, support one another in word and deed, be honest and trusting; say “Thank you” and “I’m sorry.”
- Talk about things that bother you; be mature, talk it out, and move on; cultivate a sense of humor and rectify the undesirable traits in your own personality and behavior.
- Bond, but don’t smother your beloved; put their interests before your own.
- It’s not possible to always be right, so try and put yourself in another person’s shoes and very importantly, treat others how you want to be treated.
- Go on dates and holidays with your spouse and don’t overthink or be thoughtless. Be mindful, know when to let things go.
- Meditate or pray together, be faithful.
- No matter what, never go to sleep without making peace.
Finally, we will leave you with a simple reminder: Love is not about possession, it’s all about appreciation. It’s about giving of yourself. Love is, first and foremost, a sacrifice of self for your beloved companion.
Lots of people approach a relationship with a ledger of getting certain things. And when the balance falls short, they get irritated and start complaining. You must never carry this perspective in any of your relationships. Have compassion toward other people, especially your partner, and take care of them. There is a reason why you both are together — so cherish the relationship.