A marriage made in heaven is a true blessing. We have all heard of this kind of marriage where couples hold each other’s hands into the waning years of life; faithful to each other even till the last breath.
The relationship may seem ordinary and plain with some squabbles at times. It goes through ups and downs, and many hardships, but the two love birds still walk hand in hand till the last moment of life and cherish each other even more. Hopefully, you are one of these lucky ones. And perhaps it’s not all down to luck. We look at what holds a marriage like this together through the thick and thin.
In the past, people cherished everything because they had few things. When something was broken, all they needed to do was “repair” it, and when they could no longer fix it, they would try to use it for another purpose.
In this era where everything seems to be disposable and easily thrown away, people do not pay a great deal of attention to the things they have now. Nothing seems to be sacred anymore. When things are broken, they are just discarded without much thought as they have the choice of “replacing” them with new things.
Although “repairing” and “replacing” are only words of difference, they can show a couple’s attitude toward their marriage. So how do couples who have stayed together all their lives come through and walk hand in hand together for a lifetime? To help us understand this question, social psychologists have pointed out “four outstanding characteristics.”
Characteristics of a stable and life-long marriage
1. Meant to be: Destinies are intertwined
A shared destiny means that husbands and wives can share joys and sorrows, and support each other no matter what the circumstances or the conditions and challenges they face. We have seen all too many examples of broken marriages where the couples stay together briefly and then go their separate ways after some time. It is really heart-wrenching.
Life has its ups and downs. So what causes so many couples to go their separate ways after a disaster or a downturn in fortunes and yet some couples overcome insurmountable difficulties and grow even closer together? From a psychological perspective, where there is no tacit understanding of each other, no faith in their shared destiny, no trust, and no belief in each other, this can lead to a permanent breakdown.
After the couple gets together, they will definitely experience a lot of joys as well as ups and downs. For those couples who entrust their lives to each other, and share both the good and bad together, only then can they walk hand in hand when encountering various situations.
For those couples who lack mutual understanding of each other and fail to see each other’s strengths, it is difficult for them to face setbacks together. Once they encounter slight setbacks or temptations, conflicts and strain may eventually set in, which may lead to a breakup.
Social psychologists believe that the strongest marital relationship is based on destiny or fate, and any relationship that cannot overcome the ruggedness of life together and overcome the gully would not be long-lasting.
2. Mutual consideration and accommodating of each other at all times
In a family, there is no differentiation between the strong and the weak, and there is no need to debate this matter. Being able to accommodate each other in a timely manner is the best way to get along and overcome conflicts.
In any circumstance, tension, cold attitude toward each other, or violence will never solve problems and the only mitigation is to respect and accommodate each other.
Of course, to be accommodating of each other is to have a mutual understanding of each other’s strengths and weaknesses. If you are not able to be considerate of your spouse even for just that moment, this may lead to resentment and outbursts at other times. In other words, to be accommodating and considerate, it must be mutual between both parties.
3. Have consistent and similar values and beliefs
There have never been two people with the same views and values on everything, not even for couples. However, similar values are a prerequisite for two people to maintain a long-term relationship. Just imagine that two people have the same goal, the same topics for discussion, and the same interests; this is an ideal state for two people to stay together. You enjoy each other’s company and never get fed up with each other.
The furthest distance in the world is not on the other side of the world, but the distance at hand when the heart is like a cold-hearted stranger. Say, if you are talking about one thing and your partner is thinking about or talking about something else, is it not a kind of sadness? The outcome of this type of situation is that the two people move further apart, each having different dreams in the same bed.
4. Compliments: Thank the other party for his or her dedication
When you are grateful, you can receive more love and have a better life. This also applies to marriage. The most affectionate word between a husband and wife is to thank the other party for being good to you, not only for the past, but also for the present.
A simple compliment: “I am so proud of you”, “Thank you for being there for me”, “How can I help you?”…: After hearing these words, how can you not be moved as a wife or husband? When you are grateful, you can only be good to the other party. In this way, mutual relationships can be stronger. It is easy to fall in love but difficult to keep it. The beginning of love is just like a flash of lightning, but it takes a lot of time and patience to maintain the love for a lifetime. Love is sweet so the emphasis is on keeping it from turning bitter.
When the sense of mystery and the sense of freshness disappear one after another, what remains may be an ordinary and unfamiliar stranger in front of you. The lack of communication is extremely disappointing, and distressing. It is easy to fall in love with each other because people put the focus of love on “experiencing being loved” instead of “experiencing love.” Falling in love is a mutual familiarisation, but it is also an “incomplete fusion” between two individuals. Therefore, the couple must find a reasonable balance between distance and intimacy.
Grasp the above characteristics and keep your love fresh! Sometimes, a relationship needs a hero. When communication breaks down, be the first to break the silence. If you think of the other person first, be kind, thankful, complimentary, supportive, and considerate, this will go a long way toward realizing a life-long marriage.
