3 Things You Must Do to Have a Good Marriage

Newlywed couple kissing in a field of wheat.

Being happily married requires work, but it's worth it! (Image: Alberto Ghizzi Panizza via Dreamstime)

Some people have a strong and loving marriage, while others have a tense and unsettling relationship. In order to have a good marriage, it’s important to stick to these three things: 

How to have a good marriage

1. Control your emotions  

In any relationship, it’s important to not act rashly or speak unkindly. To have a good marriage, you cannot simply talk as you wish.  

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Kou Nai-Hsin, a Taiwanese TV series host, once shared an experience that demonstrates just how important this is. 

One day, she and her husband Huang Kuo-lun quarreled over a trivial matter. She became so frustrated and angry that she verbally lashed out, trying to push his buttons and hurt him. “How can you be worthy of me? Do you know that you’re divorced, like second-hand goods, and you are not even worthy of me?!”   

After hearing this, Huang Kuo-lun fell silent. He then packed his bags and prepared to leave. As he was heading out the door, he turned and said: “Nai-Hsin, don’t you know there are some words that you cannot simply blurt out?” 

After calming down, Kou Nai-Hsin deeply regretted the harsh words she’d spoken. She tried to reach her husband, but she was unable to get in touch with him. She became so worried and scared about what might happen to their marriage that she could hardly calm her mind down.  

It was not until three days later that Huang Kuo-lun returned home. Kou Nai-Hsin immediately hugged her husband, cried, and sincerely apologized for what she’d said. 

The Embracing Couple statue by Paul Day at the Meeting Place St. Pancras International Railway Station, London, England.
She immediately hugged her husband, cried, and sincerely apologized for what she’d said. (Image: Neil Lang via Dreamstime)

From then on, Kou Nai-Hsin began to self-reflect. She said: “When we speak too quickly, we never know if we are going to regret our words for the rest of our lives.”  

To have a good marriage we must control our emotions. Being kind and compassionate, and having good and positive emotions, are important elements in a marriage. These things will enhance each person’s happiness and make the marriage more stable.  

It is because of love that you can control your emotions, and it is because you can control your emotions that your feelings for one another will grow and deepen. 

2. Keep a distance from the opposite sex 

People who keep a sense of propriety in their marriage can make their partner feel more secure, which helps create a happy and harmonious home life, as well as a good marriage. 

Before deciding on whether or not to accept a role, mainland Chinese actor Zhu Ya Wen lets his wife read his scripts. If his wife feels uneasy, he rejects the role. Since marrying, he avoids eating alone with other young ladies, and informs his wife in advance if he’s meeting with old friends of the opposite sex. 

In the TV variety show Sound on the Scene, there was a game session where Zhu Ya Wen was asked to say wedding vows to another girl. The host wanted Zhu Ya Wen to choose the girl to keep the show lively and entertaining. But after hearing this, Zhu Ya Wen tactfully refused.   

Marriage vows are solemn and sacred. Zhu Ya Wen believed he could not say marriage vows to any woman except his wife.  

A high angle shot of the bride and groom`s wedding rings on notebooks that say 'his vows' and 'her vows.'
Marriage vows are solemn and sacred. (Image: Wirestock via Dreamstime)

Zhu Ya Wen’s approach not only gives his partner a sense of security, but it also shows that he places great importance on their marriage. 

People who really care about their partner will avoid doing things to make them feel uncertain or suspicious. They will not cross boundaries, and neither will they overstep the rules of propriety when mixing with the opposite sex.  

3. Take care of the details in life 

Marriage cannot withstand the torment of life; if you use your heart to overcome trivial matters, only then can you let your relationship build up gradually.   

Zhang Jin and Cai Shaofen are a well-known and loving couple in the Hong Kong entertainment industry. Their marriage is full of happiness because they pay attention to the small details in everyday life.  

For example, Cai Shaofen wanted scallion pancakes, and Zhang Jin waited in line for nearly two hours to buy them for her. Another example is that Cai Shaofen does not like Zhang Jin being drunk. After Zhang Jin made this promise to her, he never got drunk again. However, Cai Shaofen was not convinced, so Zhang Jin gladly keeps his cell phone on for her 24 hours a day. 

These everyday things that Zhang Jin has done for Cai Shaofen made her feel the joy of being loved and cared for.  

In ancient China, it was said that every happy couple will find love in “firewood, rice, oil, salt, sauce, vinegar, and tea,” which are said to be “the seven necessities of the day”. Just like the fireflies in the night, although faint, these simple details of day-to-day life are enough to warm each other’s hearts. 

Just like the fireflies in the night, a good marriage is about paying attention to simple little details of day-to-day life to warm your partner's heart.
Just like the fireflies in the night, paying attention to simple little details of day-to-day life can warm your partner’s heart. (Image: Igor Zakharevich via Dreamstime)

A good marriage includes the happiness and sorrow of two people, not the emotion of just one person. No matter how deep the love is, if you don’t pay attention to the little details in life, one day, the two of you will part ways. 

One of the best ways to maintain a good marriage is to express your love in the little details of everyday life. 

Marriage is easy — just buy a license. But to have a good marriage, a strong marriage requires self-reflection, thoughtfulness, and heart-to-heart communication.  

By controlling your emotions, you will keep harmony in your marriage; by keeping a distance from the opposite sex, you will help keep the relationship pure and clean; and by remembering the importance of everyday details, you will transmit warmth and love to your partner and experience a good marriage.  

If you can be this type of person, you will meet someone that can help create joy, warmth, and happiness in your life, and you will experience a good marriage.

Translated by Chua BC and edited by T Denning

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