Parents — “‘love” them or “hate” them — it’s an undisputed fact that everyone has parents. Good parenting requires following certain guidelines.
Some parents strive to provide and sacrifice everything for their children only to find in later years their children become ungrateful and hostile. This leads to children who are suffering miserably and parents who are disappointed in their outcome.
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Some parents on the other hand find parenting effortless and a breeze, so their children naturally grow up well-grounded, balanced, and independent. These children display a heart of gratitude toward their upbringing and their parents, thus producing harmony and synergy.
Which of these two scenarios would children aspire to experience?
4 qualities of good parenting
1. Be a good role model
A young junior high school girl was at an age when she started experiencing falling in love. She started playing games and eventually skipped classes and later dropped out of school. This young girl’s mother always told her what to do. Failing that, she would resort to the scolding method. As her daughter became more disobedient, the mother feared she would run around and get herself into trouble with members of the opposite sex, so she would take her daughter with her wherever she went just to keep an eye on her at all times. Every evening, this mother had a habit of playing mahjong, and in between her moves she would turn around and reprimand her daughter by solemnly stating: “Keep your back straight and do your homework properly.”
Ironically, this clearly shows how children are a product of their parents’ own conduct and the examples they set during everyday life. In the above scenario, this mother plays mahjong daily; therefore, her daughter pursues gaming. This mother’s style of parenting is: “Do as I say, not as I do!”
In contrast, parents who themselves set the example of how to value studying, organizing their time, being self-disciplined, and balancing work and play will inevitably pass these qualities onto their children and raise happy, self-assured, and disciplined future young adults. Such parents don’t look at or compare how others parent their children. They only stay focused on bettering themselves and doing the best with what they have. These parents’ motto is: “Show by example.”
2. Show unconditional love
Parents who enthusiastically support and encourage their children’s achievements, no matter how large or small, will instill a desire in their children to try and tackle any new skills or future ventures. During hard times and setbacks, these children will have learned to pick themselves up and keep trying. Such children will try to achieve in their lives because they know they always have their parents’ unconditional love, backing, and support.
There are parents who practice conditional love. They place great pressure on their children to achieve according to their expectations. For instance, if a child does not do well in school or fails to do what the parent wants, the parent becomes angry and berates the child. These types of parents push and coax their children to fulfill any of their broken dreams. Basically, this is done to inflate their ego and self-worth.
A mother’s and father’s love is innate and has no strings attached. So true love for your child is unconditional and is devoid of any attempt to spoil. Unconditional love is a faithful guide for your child on their journey of life.
3. Make your children feel valued
Children who experience self-worth and are valued by their parents exude genuine happiness that radiates from their hearts and sparkles through their eyes. Wise parents recognize special traits and talents a child possesses and fully nurture and encourage their development throughout the child’s life.
Allowing and engaging children in family projects or chores encourages the child to learn new skills and helps create a bond between the parent and child. Always praise the child for trying even if they make mistakes. Tell them we learn the most when we make mistakes.
Here, the parents can share their own stories of failure and how they overcame them. Failure enables you to become creative, think outside the box, and persist in finding a solution to the problem at hand. This encourages character building and learning to deal with disappointments.
Avoid parenting where the child’s self-esteem is hurt and their self-worth is denied.
4. Continue learning and growing
Some parents are glad when their children finally grow up and form their own independent opinions. On the flip side, there are other parents who become overly anxious when their growing children become disobedient, worrying they will turn bad.
Parents who remain fixed and rigid in their mindset and in their activity as they age and fail to keep learning and changing with their growing children will find themselves lonely and stuck, with little new experiences to talk about; except for things in the past. So we need to be willing to constantly grow, learn, and change as do our children.
Mothers and fathers are the children’s initial teachers, close friends, and trusted guides on their road to adulthood, and hopefully, children are grateful for their parents efforts.
Translated by Eva and edited by Maria