10 Things to Avoid When Arguing With Your Spouse

Young woman facing away from the room sitting on an ottoman while a young man sits on the sofa with his arms crossed and looking the other direction.

Having disagreements in a marriage is inevitable, but be mindful of things you must avoid when you get into an argument with your spouse. (Image: Ana Blazic Pavlovic via Dreamstime)

Relationships have their ups and downs, no doubt. Being happily married doesn’t mean that arguing will never take place with your spouse. When disagreements do arise, there are certain things you absolutely must not do when arguing.

Don’t do these 10 things when arguing with your spouse

1. Stop arguing in front of strangers

Having disagreements in a marriage is inevitable, but try not to quarrel in public. Arguing in front of outsiders will not solve the problem, and it could add fuel to the fire. The end result won’t be pretty if no one backs down.

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Show respect to your spouse in front of friends and family. Your attitude toward your spouse affects others’ views of them. If you don’t care about your spouse, neither will others.

It takes two to tango. A good relationship requires tolerance, forgiveness, and a willingness to admit mistakes.

2. Avoid arguing in front of the children

Marital conflicts exist between husbands and wives, but the children are innocent. Watching parents argue can affect young children negatively and might even shape their attitude toward marriage as they get older.

Sad boy sits on the coffee table in front of the sofa while his parents are seen standing and arguing behind him.
Watching parents argue can affect young children negatively. (Image: Nyul via Dreamstime)

The relationship between parents is where a child’s sense of security lies and cannot be replaced by material things. A child cannot feel a sense of love and affection at home if the parents exhibit poor behavior toward each other.

Parents are the role models for their children.

3. Refrain from squabbling during illness

You can pick a time to dispute, but not when your spouse is ill, is feeling down, or is having trouble at work. Quibbling under such circumstances will only exacerbate the conflict between a couple. Loving your mate is loving yourself.

4. Stop reopening old wounds

Some couples like to bring up things from the past ― a mistake or a former lover. This will only increase the intensity of the disagreements and deepen the conflicts. It is undoubtedly a foolish way to argue and it makes a mountain out of a molehill.

Let bygones be bygones, and learn to be tolerant, loving, considerate, and give in when necessary.

5. Don’t involve other family members

It’s a bad idea to bicker about your spouse’s family members, especially the parents. Insults must be avoided at all costs. Instead, learn to respect your spouse’s family and parents. Your spouse will appreciate you and love you more when you treat them with kindness.

Quarrels between a husband and wife are bound to happen, so don’t take them too seriously, and there is no need to tell your parents about them. However, it is essential to communicate and understand the other person’s point of view. A helpful tip is to think of your spouse’s good qualities when you are upset.

6. Smashing things won’t help

People tend to raise their voices in a heated verbal spat, so smashing things will add more noise that can irritate the neighbors or scare the children. Moreover, you are merely destroying items that you’ve bought. If you must throw something, throw a pillow.

Man arguing with woman in the kitchen as the woman threatens to smash a cup.
Smashing things may make you feel better in the moment, but if you must throw something, throw a pillow. (Image: Viacheslav Iacobchuk via Dreamstime)

Anger can be a double-edged sword, hurting both parties. Winning an argument is not that important, and taking a step back is the wisest thing to do.

7. Hurtful words deepen the wounds

Putting your spouse down and comparing them to someone else’s spouse can ruin your mate’s confidence and self-image. Be careful with your choice of words. Hurtful words have long-lasting and damaging effects.

8. Abstain from issuing death threats

Some people casually issue “death threats” in a heated moment or say things such as: “I don’t want to live anymore!” Abstain from those words in a fit of anger. It’s a level of manipulation that you will regret when in your right mind.

9. Never ever hit your spouse

Watch where your hands are when you are angry, and control the urge to hit or slap your spouse. A slap on the face can destroy good feelings built up over many years in a relationship. Although you are hitting the flesh, the heart feels the damage. A physical wound will heal, but the emotional hurt is difficult to mend.

10. Don’t use divorce as a threat

Marriage has its ups and downs. Think before saying the word “divorce,” since it’s a sensitive word. You could give your spouse the wrong message and lead the relationship down a road you might regret.

Mentioning “divorce” so casually and impulsively is detrimental to the marriage and can ruin the emotional bond between a husband and wife.

Translated by Elaine

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