A family home is where everyone’s life begins and is an inevitable destination for those born into this world. Traditionally, around the world, and in particular for Chinese people, a home is considered to be their secure fortress or a place of refuge.
In The Book of Rites, it states: “When fathers and sons are close and respectful, where brothers are united, when husbands and wives are loving and kind, and the families are cohesive and united; the wealth of a family will naturally amass.”
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So they naturally believe that once the family is regulated, the country can be governed well, and the world, in turn, will be pacified.
What are the most important traits needed for a family to live together?
Is it to have a gorgeous house, live a luxurious life, or possess unlimited money?
It’s none of the above!
Maintaining a peaceful and harmonious family life is the most significant trait required for family members to live together.
If family members quarrel daily, this will cause some members to leave home due to stress and feeling unloved. This could apply to families both wealthy and poor.
Well-to-do families whose members disrespect, avoid, and snub each other will eventually lead to individuals who lose interest in life.
A poor family can attain wealth, as long as it remains cordial
If a household wishes to live harmoniously, each member must choose to stick together during good and bad times. When all the members hold hands and work for a better life together, no matter how poor they are, they can steadily accumulate wealth and achieve a better standard of living for themselves.
To achieve this will mean that there needs to be a deep affection and trust between father and son, for each sibling to be of one heart and one mind and make concerted efforts to be responsible members of the family, and where the husband and wife express genuine kindness and respect toward each other, working in unison and helping each other during good and bad times.
It doesn’t matter how much money a family possesses because harmony is key to its wealth. Unfortunately, many families argue and even turn against each other because of disputes over money. If money becomes the cause of family discord, aren’t we putting the cart before the horse? So only when a family is united and harmonious can it remain carefree and gain money naturally.
How to make a family cordial
1. Always speak kindly and respectfully to each other
Truth be known, everyone makes mistakes throughout their lives. We tend to be cautious and polite to strangers when they make a mistake, but we seem to think we can be rude and vent our anger toward our nearest and dearest family members and kin.
In the world, except for our families, nobody will love us unreservedly. However, no matter how much we hurt our family, they always tolerate and guard us silently despite the past.
Family members are the most crucial people in our formative life and they should always be treated with the utmost respect. Parents, who spend quality time with their children, treat them as individuals, and show kindness and respect will ensure their children will honor them with the same qualities during old age.
Avoid bringing home any grievances experienced during your work day. Take time to calm down before you reach home, take three deep breaths before entering the door, leaving the lousy mood outside; then open the door and give the family your best smile and attention. Your partner and children will accompany you to your old age, and all your hard work aimed at bringing happiness and a better life will become meaningless if you constantly bring your work troubles home and vent them to your family members.
As for the children, note that your parents gave birth to you and raised you. The time you can spend with them will become less and less, so please desist from throwing a fit at them casually.
Making a concerted effort, by each family member, to maintain harmony and happiness in a household should be a priority in life.
2. Foster a forgiving heart toward family members
In our modern world, very few individuals experience an easy life. Everyone will encounter troubles, sadness, and anger. It’s paramount to use warmth and kindness to dispel any troubles developing in the family.
The family is a place to teach how to love, respect, and encourage individual growth and independence rather than teach hatred, displaying dictatorial behavior, and acting possessively toward your family members.
When difficulties and setbacks are encountered, families should face them together and resolving them in a coordinated fashion, and avoid resorting to criticizing and complaining about each other.
A wife should be considerate of her husband’s hard work outside the home, while the husband should acknowledge the time and effort his wife makes caring for the family. Each should refrain from criticizing and finding fault with the other. Instead, try to help each other in the home so that more quality time is generated as a couple and for other family members.
Children should show filial piety to their parents rather than put them down.
Parents who value the art of communication and listening will understand and respect their children’s thoughts and ideas as they continue to grow more independent. They offer their own views and ideas, but respectfully listen and encourage their children’s views.
Families need to understand and appreciate each other’s difficulties so that family members can experience unconditional love and kindness and be able to freely express their concerns knowing they will be genuinely helped.
3. Dissolve disagreements immediately
Household members each have different temperaments, preferences, and habits, so unavoidably there will be conflicts among them, especially since they reside under the same roof.
Sometimes, trivial things might cause family friction, so it is important to handle things in a timely, appropriate, and diplomatic way. The best solution or rule to put into place is “to communicate effectively in the moment and find a good solution, and at all costs avoid letting issues spill over into the next day or linger for years.”
It will be better to talk about everything openly among waring family members, thus avoiding apathy and cold wars. Those who recognize their mistakes should honestly and wisely acknowledge them to avoid losing face, while those who are in the right should show forbearance and act conciliatory toward other family members, thus diffusing the quarrel and not allowing it to last overnight. This will avoid family members falling asleep with destructive negative emotions.
A harmonious household does not mean there is no friction, but it is imperative that members value wanting to resolve conflicts on the day and not allow them to live on for days or years.
Home should be the place we cherish the most and family members should be the most important people in our lives.
A home is like a field; you can sow it as you like. Sowing it with tenderness, you will reap warmth; planting it with understanding, you will harvest consideration; growing it with tolerance, you will gain harmony.
So what you put into it is what you will get out of it.