5 Principles of Chinese Philosopher Zengzi to Improve Your Parenting Style

A couple with their young children.
Whatever parenting style a mom and dad use, they are the first people a child looks up to as an example. (Image: Mirko Vitali via Dreamstime)

Every adult has their parenting style. Children don’t know much about life when they are very young.

Whatever parenting style a mom and dad use, they are the first people a child looks up to as an example. 

It’s up to parents to teach their children how to communicate, walk, have essential values, and make healthy and wise decisions. Given this vast responsibility, parents discover that parenting can be challenging.

So be patient, as children learn life lessons as they get older. Remember that nobody is perfect in parenting and that every parent makes mistakes. That’s why Chinese philosopher Zengzi shared his viewpoint on parenting.

Zengzi was from the State of Lu during the Spring and Autumn Periods. He followed the teachings of Confucius. Not only was he smart, but he was also sincere. He never lied to anyone, not even to his children.

Zheng Zi was a Chinese philosopher and disciple of Confucius whose five principles can improve your parenting.
Zengzi was a Chinese philosopher and disciple of Confucius whose five principles can improve your parenting. (Image: via Public Domain)

How Zengzi proves his parenting style

The story began when Zengzi’s wife went out to shop one day, and their child started screaming because he wasn’t allowed to go. So she consoled him by saying: “Chill at home while you wait. When I return, I’ll kill a pig and prepare some pork for you.”

She returned to find Zengzi butchering a pig. In an instant, she stopped him, saying: “I said it to console him.” Zengzi responded: “Children are unable to understand lying. 

They listen to their parents since they are young and lack social experience. If you were to lie to them now, you would be teaching them to lie to others in the future. So if a parent lies to their child, the child won’t take them seriously. Do you think this is the best way to teach children?

To that end, Zengzi slaughtered a pig and prepared pork for dinner. In the past, pigs were only killed and cooked on special occasions, like Chinese New Year, when a famous person came to visit, etc.

The story’s moral is that parents shouldn’t ever lie to their children. This is because parents are the best role models for their children, so everything they do will significantly affect them. If a child sees their parents doing something, it is the example the child will likely follow.

Thus, parents need to be very careful when they are around their children. Through this tale, Zengzi showed his understanding that children learn from their parent’s actions and that good parenting is essential to their development and success.

Children learn from what they see and do. They are inclined to imitate their environment, particularly their parents. Being like their parents is the correct thing to do for them.

Young child looking sad.
The story’s moral is that parents shouldn’t ever lie to their children. (Image: Jmpaget via Dreamstime)

5 principals for effective parenting

To prepare children for the problems they will face as grownups, parents constantly ask how they may improve their home environment and relationships with their children. How you raise your children can have a significant impact. The following is a set of methods to help you become a better parent.

1. Be a good role model

It’s easy to see why good role models are so crucial to children. Parents must set a good example by leading happy, healthy behaviors in front of their children. Children’s first interaction with positive role models is usually with their parents. So parents must teach their children proper communication, behavior, attitude, and decision-making.

2. Be self-aware

Your children pay attention to everything you do, from how you care for your health to how you behave toward others. That’s why you need to be careful about what you instill in your child’s point of view.

3. Explain your rules and decisions

Make logical rules and decisions if you want your child to respect them. Tell them exactly why you made the rule, what you want them to do, and what will happen if they don’t follow the rule. And if you create rules that aren’t fair and decide without telling them why they might not accept them and rebel.

4. Treat your child with respect

Respecting your children is essential in making them less inclined to do bad things, such as:

  • It helps them make wise choices
  • It makes them more likely to act in a way that is to their own most significant advantage

A child’s place in the world depends on how much trust and respect their parents show and teach it. Children who get respect at a young age are happier, more successful, and have better connections with others.

5. Make time for your children

Quality time is when you give them your full attention and do things they like. It can be as easy as setting up a few hours every day when you won’t be disturbed by something else. Every day, you should show your child that you care about them. This will help them grow up with healthy minds and hearts.

Good parenting skills produce good children

Being a parent is challenging, but the reward is worth the effort. Letting your children grow in a healthy and loving environment helps them grow well. But, of course, the downside is that the payoff follows years after the effort. But if you give it your all right now, you’ll instill in your children what they need to grow up into caring adults.

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