How the State of a Couple’s Marriage Impacts Their Children

A loving family out shopping.

Showing your child how much mom loves dad and vice versa teaches them that they don’t have to be afraid and that there will always be someone that loves them. (Image: Prostockstudio via Dreamstime)

A child’s growth and character are often the result of a combination of influences, including family, school, peers, and society. However, the role family relationships play is the most important one of all. How a couple raises their children has a big impact on the types of people they will grow up to be, and even impacts society at large. 

Among family relationships, the state of the marriage always lies at the core. When the marriage is harmonious, the parent-child relationship is more harmonious. Whether the relationship between husband and wife is good or not, it will directly affect the character of the child and the way he sees himself and others. 

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5 types of marriage relationships can cultivate children with 5 different types of personalities

1. Husband and wife love each other→ children’s characters are healthy and cheerful

A harmonious relationship between husband and wife can provide a good family environment for children. These children will have a more peaceful, cheerful personality, and will not become violent or upset easily.

Because the relationship between the parents is very good, the children will also have good feelings. They will yearn for a marriage that is also harmonious because they have a good role model to base their future relationships upon. These types of children will be more loving, kind, and understanding of others, and will know how to be good parents when the time comes. 

Children who come from a home where the relationship between the parents is very good will be more loving, kind, and understanding of others.
Children who come from a home where the relationship between the parents is very good will be more loving, kind, and understanding of others. (Image: Fizkes via Dreamstime)

2. The couple’s relationship is weak → the child is capricious and selfish

When the couple’s relationship is weak, the two parents often rely on the child to communicate through or to maintain the family, which is often called a “child-centered” family.

Under the influence of parental relationships, when a child is excessively focused on or interfered with, his personality will become willful and selfish. As a result, he will likely have difficulty in future relationships, may overspend to get things he desires, or may even become depressed when life doesn’t go his way. 

3. The couple prematurely separates → children are indifferent and insecure

Many couples who are freed from unhappy marriages neglect a most important point: the children will never be freed from it. Their children’s inner wounds are often difficult to treat, and their worries, insecurities, and fears may never be healed during the course of their lives.

In addition, some studies have shown that children living in divorced families are more prone to committing crimes. They also suffer more from psychological disorders, such as anxiety, depression, hostility, being vengeful, and feeling indifferent. These children tend to search outside themselves for things to make them happy and help them feel more secure. 

4. Couples who love to blame each other → children are sensitive, stubborn, and tend to make excuses

Some couples like to blame each other rather than examine their own faults. Such a family environment will seriously affect the way children behave in the world. When there is an argument between the parents, it is easier to tell them that the other party is wrong rather than take accountability for their actions.

Little Asian boy stands with arms crossed while his parents argue in the background.
When there is an argument between the parents, they like to blame each other rather than examine their own faults. (Image: Imtmphoto via Dreamstime)

The effect on the child is that neither parent will be respected in the future. One party attacks the other, hoping to make the child dissatisfied with the other one, and in the end, it only hurts the child. In addition, the child never learns the importance of accepting responsibility for what they do, and instead will learn to blame others, even though they are at fault. 

5. Couples who fight often → children may like violence, be grumpy

It is understandable that couples will argue and have disagreements. But if they cannot work through things amicably and instead resort to yelling and fighting, the children’s sense of security will be greatly impacted.

At the same time, the children may also become violent, be grumpy and irritable, lack patience, and yell just like their parents. Living in an unfavorable environment will cause psychological trauma to them, some of which may be difficult to heal for the entirety of their life. So in a family, the way the couple gets along is critically important for the well-being of not just their own relationship, but their relationship with their children, as well as their future well-being. 


Parenting is not easy, especially in today’s complicated world. 

Because this world is not an easy place to exist, it’s vitally important that we, as parents, give our children the best start possible by laying a good foundation for their futures. Through creating a harmonious home, showing respect for one another, being honest, kind, and forgiving, and thinking of others first, we can be good role models for our children, and help mold them into people with strong moral characters and kind hearts. 

If we can do this, then we have done our jobs well.

Translated by Patty Zhang 

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