Breakups are hard, even if you are the one ending things. This is someone you once loved or hoped to share the rest of your days with. And you’ve probably spent months or years together before realizing it won’t work.
First, how do you know it’s time to end a relationship? If you’d rather spend your time apart, your partner is manipulative, you can’t share your feelings without feeling humiliated, or they make you feel stupid, it may be time to leave. Reasons vary, but the bigger question is, how do you break up without hating yourself?
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The easy route is to ghost someone and let them read between the lines. But the easy way is not dignified, and your partner deserves some respect. You entered a relationship as a grown-up, and if you want a breakup, end it as one.
How to end a relationship gracefully
1. Understand that it’s not easy
Before you end your relationship, it’s essential to understand that it won’t be easy. There’s no right way to end things; everyone takes it differently. Some may take a breakup quietly while the kettle boils; others may get emotional or abusive. You understand your partner, and it’s essential to consider their temperament or personality to determine the best way to end your relationship.
Also, no matter how bad things are between you, it will still be painful when items become official. So ensure you want to end things because you will probably hear: “Give me one more chance.”
2. Don’t drag a breakup out
If you’ve decided to end it, don’t drag things out. Your significant other may ask for another chance or promise to change for you. But ending things when you feel your relationship can’t work is advisable.
The sooner you end it, the sooner you complete the pain for both of you. You won’t do your partner justice if you stick around while your heart is no longer there.
3. Do it face-to-face
If your partner is not violent, try to do a face-to-face meeting. Please don’t make them feel like they never mattered to you by dumping them via text, social media, or email.
A face-to-face breakup won’t make it less painful, but it will give them dignity. But if you feel they may react violently, choose a public place.
4. Be direct
When going through a breakup, be honest, direct, gentle, and empathetic. Accept that the other person’s feelings are valid, so show empathy when ending things. However, avoid over-explaining anything because the more you try to explain things, the more a person finds something to argue about or a point they can use to convince you. It may also give someone a chance to guilt trip you.
The bottom line, be honest but don’t give too much explanation.
5. Show empathy
Things will probably get heated, and emotions may get out of hand so show some empathy. Yes, being honest is okay, but being hurtful is a no-no. So avoid taking the accusatory tone and find a nicer way to put things. For example, instead of telling them “they can’t satisfy you in bed,” you can say that “you don’t think the two of you are compatible sexually.”
In short, please don’t leave a person in pain and kill their self-esteem simultaneously. But avoid tired cliches like “I’m the problem, not you.”
6. Don’t be baited by arguments or protests
Before you break up a serious relationship, you’ve probably had much time to discuss things. So this is not the time to discuss therapy or “trying one more time.”
Too many people wait until it’s too late to start therapy. Therapy works wonders in the early stages of your discordance. But if things have crossed a certain point, it may not work, so don’t fall for protests and promises.
On your part, don’t give false promises because you feel guilty or pitiful. This means avoiding telling them “you’ll always be there for them” or “you can still be friends.” If you don’t mean it, don’t make a false promise to appease them.
Lastly, breakups can be challenging, ugly, and draining. So give yourself a chance to heal after ending your relationship.
