Toxic gossip is something that most of us have experienced at one point or another. Whether you’ve shared a personal issue only for it to spread and negatively impact you, or you’ve heard a juicy story and couldn’t resist passing it on, the effects of toxic gossip can be damaging.
However, it’s important to remember that gossiping is a common aspect of human interaction. That being said, it’s crucial to be mindful of the impact your words can have on others.
Positive gossip
Gossiping can sometimes have positive effects on our social interactions. It can help people bond, reduce anxiety, or solve problems. For example, you may want to seek advice from others on how to approach your new boss, or you may find yourself offering guidance to someone on how a certain path can lead to success or destruction with real-life examples.
Also, it acts as a form of social control. You may avoid doing something bad because you fear what people will say about your conduct.
Sociologists and evolutionary biologists believe we are hardwired to gossip. That is, for the most part, humans mainly talk about themselves or others. But it’s important to know the difference between positive gossip and toxic gossip (slander).
Negative effects of toxic gossip
Toxic gossip involves slander, lies, and malicious intent. Some people only speak ill of others; they never have something good to say about anyone. When you say something unkind or unnecessary behind someone’s back, it may lead to disastrous consequences for you or others.
Toxic gossip can lead to a lack of trust, reduced productivity, toxic culture, or a feeling of betrayal. Even worse, it can affect people’s mental health, leading to severe depression and sometimes suicide. Another reason to care about it is that gossiping can undermine your reputation.
Always strive to avoid toxic gossip, even when the gossip is really juicy. Instead, try to speak positively about others, and if you hear negative gossip, refuse to engage or spread it further. Remember that your words can have a powerful impact on others, so use them wisely.
How to avoid gossiping
Find an outlet
Some people use gossip to release their stress and anxiety or form connections. But you can find other ways to relieve stress other than by gossiping. Find a personal way to express your thoughts or feelings and a safe space to process your frustrations.
Remember, sometimes you put others down because you also feel insecure. So if you work on yourself more often, you’ll find less time to engage in slander and negativity.
For instance, your outlet can be jotting down your thoughts, feelings, or goals in your diary or journal. Or finding a hobby or side quest to release your frustrations and unleash your creativity. More importantly, find a reliable person you can open up to without fear or shame.
Excuse yourself
Understandably, the news heard through the grapevine may be too good to pass up. In such a case, excuse yourself before you are drawn into negative gossip. You can always find an excuse to avoid toxic gossip.
For instance, you may excuse yourself to go to the bathroom or to finish your job or assignment. Excuses can also help you avoid gossiping without antagonizing your friendships.
Steer negativity to positivity
Let’s say someone comes to you and says: “X is such a bad mother. How could she let her daughter do this or that?”
You can create a positive twist to it. Say something like: “That’s one way to see it. But when I see X and her daughter in public, they always seem happy. And she doesn’t seem like a bad mom.”
Or you can explain the hardship of parenthood and how you can’t always have control over your child’s behavior. Turning the toxic gossip around leaves little room for the gossiper to force a negative agenda. Also, you didn’t criticize the gossiper, meaning they won’t become defensive.
Offer to be an intermediary
You can always offer to be an intermediary when someone talks ill about someone both of you know. If the gossiper feels they were wronged or things didn’t go as they wanted, offer to convey what they tell you to the other party.
They will accept your offer if their grievances are real; otherwise, you will stop them in their tracks.
Outright refusal
You can take the courageous route and refuse outright to participate in toxic gossip. Try saying: “I don’t want to talk about Jane that way. But we can talk about this great place I visited last week,” or: “I have no opinion or knowledge about that.”
However, outright refusal to engage in gossip isn’t easy, and you may not want to be judged as a disagreeable personality. If you don’t want to seem confrontational or put the other person on the defensive, practice artful ways to change the topic.
Avoid slander
If you must talk about someone, give yourself a time limit to avoid bad-mouthing them. You can always add something of value to your communication, and limiting yourself to what you know can help build your reputation. Don’t let stories get out of control.
Cultivating healthy communication
Your brain loves a good story, so you may find it difficult to avoid getting hooked by the latest gossip. But you can actively strive to improve your life and avoid negative friends. In the short run, you may be labeled a “fun-killer,” “killjoy,” or “buzzkill,” and you will probably lose “friends.” However, in the long run, your life will improve as you surround yourself with positive influences.
