Going through a miscarriage can be an extremely difficult time for most people. If you’ve got a friend going through it, you probably wonder how to support them. If you’ve experienced it, it can be easier to help a friend going through the same thing. However, if you haven’t experienced it, finding the right words can be difficult. If you don’t know what to do, this article will give you some ideas.
What to do when a friend has a miscarriage
There are several things you can do when your friend has a miscarriage. However, not all of them might be effective. Since you know your friend better than most people, first try to read the room and look for the best possible action.
Here are some things you can do to help a friend go through her miscarriage
Don’t assume
Assuming that your friend is sad, mad, or feeling anything is something you shouldn’t do. Although the situation might be referred to as painful or even devastating, you can’t assume what your friend is feeling now. Sometimes, it takes a while before the sadness itself is handled. Because of this, you shouldn’t think anything and only act upon what is being shown to you.
However, this doesn’t mean you have to pretend that nothing happened. On the contrary, you can avoid assuming by gently waiting for them to share or asking them (if your friend wants to discuss things like these).
Let your friend open up
Don’t force your friend to open up. Instead, please make yourself available and wait until they want to discuss the situation. Instead of constantly asking how or what they are feeling, remain in contact and allow them to share without asking. If you see that they aren’t open to sharing, don’t push them and enable them to move at their own pace.
You can observe when someone is willing to share or how much they want to share by their mannerisms or talk. However, you shouldn’t assume and wait for them to open up. The best thing you can do is check up on them regularly, be there for them, or help them in other ways (if they want you to).
Listen
Opening up about what one feels, especially when they’ve had a miscarriage, is extremely difficult. However, because of this, allowing your friend to share what they want with you is essential.
Show them that you can be trusted and are willing to listen to what they say. If they start talking about their feelings, acknowledge them, thank them for sharing, and allow them to express themselves. It would be best to avoid interrupting them or interjecting your feelings into the conversation. Make sure they feel safe about sharing what they think.
Validate the experience
You don’t have to pretend like everything is okay. You can still validate the experience. Your friend might not want to be optimistic right away or do something to change what they feel, and this is perfectly fine.
Give your friend the space and grace to move at their own pace while validating their experience and letting them know they can feel what they feel.
In summary
Each person is different, and if you have a friend going through a miscarriage, you can use all of these techniques or some of them, depending on your friend. For example, some people want distraction, while others want someone to listen to them and try to figure out what their friend needs.
The most important thing of all is to be there for them. Going through a miscarriage is not always easy; the best thing you can do is be beside them while they go through it.
